Sunday, November 30, 2003

Does Michael Jackson's makeup artist hate him?

I think she must. Seriously. because he is a man who is so insulated and so naturally strange that he may think he looks fine with the eye liner and the brow shaping, oh and the red lipstick (no, on a man, that's not peculiar at all), but she is a professional make up artist and she knows better. Yet she keeps on painting him up like an aging casino cocktail waitress.

Seriously, I think she hates him.

Friday, November 28, 2003

Witches, wizards, warlocks, pagans...

all of you "mystical" people, please be quiet now. None of you ever shut up about your religion. Plus, you have too many little "faerie" statuettes hanging around your houses. You know you do.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

80s Rock and Roll Moves

I just saw an old Tina Turner/Bryan Adams video. There was plenty of standing halfway across the stage pointing at each other. That was a big 80s thing that pointing. Rock and Roll!

Ok the Madonna and Britney Video

I just want to know what exactly is Madonna doing in it. I see a lot of sidling, and not much more.

I am starting to get the feeling that there's this prevalent but unspoken attitude of "she's Madonna and anything she does is fabulous!" and so she can do anything, even stupid stuff, and people think it's cool. Sidling. that's basically her whole part.

And Britney--notice how she goes in for the kiss and her mouth is already WAY open. Is that a little forward or is it just me? If you're going in for a big lesbian kiss in your first video featuring lesbianism, shouldn't you start a little slower, like with just a slightly open mouth? It's like she's at the dentist.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Turkey Bombings

Here's me this morning...

I flip on the tv

"Surf" on over to CNN

See Breaking News report that says "Turkey Bombings Likely Terrorism"

I immediately raise my fist to the air and think "THOSE BASTARDS! THOSE EVIL MASTERMIND TERRORISTS. DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" because I was thinking, wow, those evil motherfuckers have figured out a way to infiltrate American homes now, and using an American symbol against them. The evil bastards are stuffing bombs inside turkeys.

That's what I though, but only for a second! Then I realized, ohhhhhhhhhh Turkey the country. Riiiiiight

Then I changed the channel.

Thank you, thank you very much

Saturday, November 08, 2003

A Little Nerd To Call My Own

I wish I had a little nerd to call my own.
I'd ask him stuff about LINUX
And pretend to be interested as he rambles on and on about how much better it is than "windoze"

I could ask him stuff too about the parts I missed in The Matrix because i got up to go get a snack
Or he could explain the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy to me while he was fixing my hard drive

Then I'd make a few "hard drive" double entendre jokes, and toss in some "baud" one liners, you get my meaning, just to show him that I like his nerdly ways

At lunchtime I'd be all "hey, dude, want anything from Subway?" And he'd ask for his veggie delite on brown, because he's trying to "eat healthier".

Sometimes we'd talk about Star Trek and get into big fights about who the best captain was. I'd be all "KIRK!" and he'd be all "PICARD!" Then he'd get off on a tangent thinking about Deana Troi and things would start to get a little uncomfortable. So I would change the subject to chess or chaos theory and I'd pretend to be listening while I mentally compiled my grocery list.

I promise I would keep the house stocked with "KD" and Snapple, maybe Koala Springs and Nutella, if he is fancier than the other nerds. I don't care!

I do. I wish I had a nerd to call my own

I'd call him Ferdi

Monday, November 03, 2003

Just One Tiny Little Bone to Pick with the Great Ellen Degeneres

It's the dancing. I really like her; I think she's funny. I like the new show. She is really very funny with the guests. I like the DJ--he seems like a decent chap (winkety--because he's English). I even like Torsten or Toller Cranston or whatever the fellow's name is.

It's just the dancing. You know what--it's not even the dancing. Ellen Degeneres is an excellent dancer! Who could not like that. It's the fact that she does it every time. And it reminds me of how Merv Griffin used to make a big fuss about showing the lining of his jacket. There. I said it.