Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Would You Marry Yourself?

I am reluctant to write this post because it involves admitting that I sometimes, I said SOMETIMES watch "The View". But, since I am a humanitarian all the way through to the bone (haha I said bone), I am going to admit that I watched it today. And one of today's "Hot Topics" was about some attention seeking wanker who has alerted the press that he intends to marry himself. The fact that the press found that sufficiently newsworthy is probably the real "hot topic", but I digress.

So "the ladies" asked each other: "Would you marry yourself?"

I don't remember what any of them said. (Except for bizarre Meredith)

Then I thought about it for me.

My answer?


Frankly, I think I could do a lot better.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Things I'd Do if I Were a Feller

1. I'd write my name in the snow. But I wouldn't stop there. I'd also write my name on the side of my old high school, and maybe, if I could track him down on a certain former boyfriend's car. And my local Starbucks. Then probably on some sort of prison document because with all that public urination that is where I would be going. Bummer!

2. I'd grow a moustache because a) I could and b) because no one is wearing them these days and I like to be different.

3. At children's soocer games I'd announce my presence with a loud "Hellllllo Ladies!"

4. I'd shop at Mr. Big 'N' Tall because even if I weren't, it seems manly.

5. I'd adress my male friends as "bitches" because it's what all the kids are doing, and if you do that as a woman, it is always followed by a very uncomfortable silence.