Friday, March 26, 2010

The Upside of Neuroses

Yesterday I told the old b 'n' c that I had developed an irrational fear that there was a family of mice living in my laundry basket.


Just crazy enough that I don't have to do laundry anymore.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Oh Other Mom with grey roots who I saw at the mailbox and who lives in my subdivision,
We should be friends.
How awesome you are with your grey roots showing about two months worth of growth -- high five.
Why don't we know each other
And provide each other with a safe haven from all the other moms in the subdivision with "trendy" tattoos and boob jobs
We could hang out
And wear our Costco pants
While we drink coffee
And talk about how we don't like to use pesticides in our yards

I hope your expedited letter showed up
I know you were waiting for it

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Have you noticed that some people add a tag line to their blogs explaining that the blog is funny. Like:
Blog Title

Then tag it! (And capitalize every word, because what the fuck):

Subtle, Witty Humour About A Day In The Life Of A Single Working Person

My thoughts on this are as follows:

1. It is borderline sad when you have to tell people that your blog is funny.

1a. Props to you for adding in the "subtle, witty" part because that covers your ass in an argument with a stupid person ("Oh, it's subtle wit--I thought it just wasn't funny).

1b. If you don't get my humour, it's subtle wit. I'm just saying.

2. Who started the whole "day in the life" thing? And why did they start it exactly?

3. If you are telling me something is subtle, it ceases to be subtle. Again, just saying.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Thinking of my son's experience at school,

I'd have to say that it is really difficult to be a boy these days.

I could say an awful lot about this, but I am not in the mood this morning. Suffice it to say that these days schools are set up to accomodate girls and girls' learning styles.

Boys routinely get into trouble for learning in the boy style, which is unacceptable to most elementary and middle grade teachers who are themelseves former girls, (being women now, wisenheimers) and who see their idealized version of the classroom learning experience through the eyes of a girl.

My son and his friends got into big go-to-the-principal's-office trouble for being too noisy outside on the playground at lunch. Parents everywhere should be very alarmed to hear that. It is not a good sign.

But maybe more on this later when I don't feel so totally demoralized about it.

And just as a p.s. Fuck you, John Mayer and your goddam stupid "boys you can break; you find out how much they can take. Boys will be strong..." lyric. I have no doubt that that was your experience of childhood. Your excessive confidence, which frankly looks a lot like narcissism probably shielded you from most childhood hurts. But I can assure you, that not all boys are fixable once they are broken. And some are broken way too easily.

But thanks alot for making things even more difficult for boys. You're quite the goddam hero, asshole.

Monday, March 01, 2010

2010 Closing Ceremonies (like anyone cares now)

For those of you who missed it, here's my mini-review of the 2010 Closing Ceremonies:

(prepare to be mini-enlightened!)

These are my thoughts as they occurred:

1. Wow, I didn't know Lindsay Lohan was Canadian.

2. Oh, she's not. That's someone else.

3. How long does this song go on for?

4. It's amazing how much longer it feels sung in French.

5. This whole thing is like a really fancy, really eleaborate high school theatrical production.

6. Complete with speeches from the Principal and other people you aren't really interested in hearing. At this point I was tempted to pass a note to my husband. Then I remembered that I was not in highschool anymore.

7. Wow, Bill Shatner; no one is getting your jokes.

8. Wow, Michael J. Fox; no one is getting your jokes.

9. Wow, Catherine O'Hara; no one is getting your jokes.

10. Neil Young reminded me of the counsellor at camp who brought his guitar and then he'd bring it out and you'd know you'd have to sing around the campfire. Either that or risk him being free to wander around the camp talking to girls about how awesome it is to explore their sexuality. Except at camp, the dude wasn't usually 1000 years old. But still, it was cool because it was Neil Young. Or at least I am guessing it was because it looked like a super old dude who could have been Neil Young's grandfather. (Kinda weirded me out).

11. Alanis Morisette I liked. Stupid Ryan Reynolds!

12. Simple Plan is Canadian?

13. Hedley is Canadian?

14. Nickelback. I want my nickel back!