Saturday, November 24, 2007

I Rate My Own Blog

......Is there a grade higher than A+? Like maybe an A+, on merit, because you earned it, PLUS you screwed your prof.

Because that's what I'd give it. A++

If I were on Ebay, rating myself as a seller, I'd be all A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++!!!!!!!!

Just writing this blog is like screwing myself.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Shangri-La Diet...

joins the quark as further proof for the existence of God.

I'll tell you why.

First the quark. Remember when science taught that there was nothing smaller than the atom? Then the scientists found the quark, which was quite a bit smaller. It is like once we have something figured out, God pulls the old switcheroo and changes everything.

Okay, now take EVERYTHING modern science (including the fields of nutrition and medicine) has told us about what is healthy eating. And think of the two most fattening foods you can -- fat and sugar, right?


Now, tell me one diet plan that would for goddam sure would not ever work....that would be doing something totally insane like, oh, say, drinking oil and sugar water, right?

And that is the diet. That's what you do to lose weight. I'm not kidding.

Who else but God could make a plan like that work?

Time for An Update, Motherfuckers!

I don't really have anything to say, I just really wanted to find a way to work that title in.

I feel I am so hardcore, for a Mom. Who lives in the suburbs. And buys her track suits at Costco. Then wears them to drive her son to school. And then thinks to herself "Hmm what should I do today?" The decides to rock a Costco trip. It's fucking META hardcore.

That's how I roll.