Worthy of Your Contempt

Here are some things that I think are okay to just really fucking hate:

1. That weird run that old ladies like Barbara Walters do, where they are half walking, half running and they have their fists held out in the most awkward way designed to show what exactly, that "they got spunk" or they are "street" or whatever the hell it is they think they are That has got to go.

2. Cat people. I don't just mean the old lady with the 50 cats and the stinky house, I mean anyone that has a "special relationship" with cats. They subject you to their daily cat stories at work with their "You wouldn't believe what my cat did today!" (Um, yes I would, it's a cat!) stories. They may start out innocently enough, but number one, no one starts with 50 cats and number two, eventually they are going to start wearing clothes with pictures of cats on them.

3. Burning people in effigy. First, that is so 1887. It's always some third world country that makes them and I always think, jesus, what do they have against the scarecow!? Until I realize it's supposed to be some politico. Don't those people have any talented artists in their countries who could make a reasonable facsimile. Oh and ps, like George Bush would be caught dead in a 50/50 poly cotton blend.

4. The expression "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle" Um, if they are going to make bikes for fish I am pretty sure they would be adapted to fins. Use your heads people, that's what we are paying you for!

5. The Uber Hip. What exactly are you so hip about anyway? Just go and deconstruct something and leave the rest of us alone to enjoy our lame ass tv shows.

6. Scrappy Doo hatred - everyone just get off his back already. "oh that Scrappy" "he's so lame" No! You're the lame one!

7. Jennifer Lopez's ass. Notice how each successive video is becoming more "ass-rich". It is like there are people, big record executive people, seriously, studiously looking for ways to showcase "J Lo's" ass. Also, not even 10 years ago that would have been considered a "fat ass". Personally, I have nothing against her or her ass, but come onnnn, it's a derierre. Think about what you are doing - do you really want an ass as a cultural icon, because that's what you've got.

8. Music Boxes. I even hate to write the term. Goddam wind up some stupid little machine to listen to 30 seconds of goddam ode to joy played all tink tink tink style. We have a new thing now that plays music--it is called a cd player