Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Gifty TV Shows

I feel the need to say something about this. About these tv shows which consist largely (or even solely!) of people in the audience receiving gifts from the show host (although come on, who are you trying to kid that the gifts are from the host).

The shows typically go something like this:

1. Host makes major SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT that this is a gifting show!

2. Camera pans to near hysterical audience, clapping, laughing, just freaking out.

3. Host brings out gift with much fanfare, say a Sony cd player.

4. Camera pans to audience going ape shit about the prospect of owning a Sony portable cd player. We usually get about 20 seconds of straight audience screaming. Pan to this lady screaming; now quick, over to that lady screaming and clapping; whoosh, this lady is almost crying; 5 full seconds on the hot chick clapping her hands, etc.

5. This goes on all through the show with the audience getting progressively more hysterical with each new gift; and the camera man spending increasingly longer looking at the audience members scream about getting a free Sonicare.

I have run this through the old analyzer and as near as I can tell these shows are some kind of advertising pornography. How else could these shows even come into existance? Who in their right mind would think that people sitting at home would enjoy watching complete strangers get a bunch of presents that the viewer is never going to get except for someone who is masturbating to the idea of market share and ratings.

Here's a newsflash industry wanker--I don't give a shit about that lady from Minnesota who is getting a free microwave. It does not entertain me to watch it. If anything, it pisses me off a little. Gimme my goddam Sonicare toothbrush, asshole!

5 comments:

Suburby said...

You ran across my blog and you laughed? Hey man, if anyone deserves a free toaster it is you. Thank you so much for the comment.

Best!

Laurie said...

I've thought about blogging about this myself but I just didn't know where to start. The other thing I hate about one particular show that does this is the inane clapping done by the audience when they agree with something the guest says. When it's someone like Tom Hanks who the audience is peeing all over themselves to touch, those wackos clap every 15 seconds.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm married to a woman in Minnesota, and I'd really like it if she won a new microwave. Then we'd have a backup for poppin' popcorn and making hot chocolate!

blackbird said...

And I always picture myself at the Oprah's favorite things show, and the lady NEXT to me gets the cashmere jogging suit in the color I WANT. Then I am all worried that those elves with the shopping bags will run out of gifts before they get to ME! Too much STRESS! thank god I won't ever have to deal with it!

Suburby said...

Hahaha yes, I would be thinking the very same thing, as I am sure every member of the audience is thinking. Because you know when they come out of the back they sure don't seem to be carrying enough for everyone.

Thank you for the comment!