Oh, and no...

I am not on Facebook and never will be.

Facebook--gah! what a perfect example of nerd's idea of what a cool name is.

Arrrrrrrrrggh!

Milly

Sometimes I fantasize about telling my mother-in-law about what her kids really think about her. How they had unhappy childhoods because of her domineering control and selfishness. How they lived in fear of her rages and how her constant disapproval made them live fearfully and still does.

But I worry that would be a bummer at Easter dinner

Parenting's Hard

I have one child who I like to say does the work of three. He doesn't really, 2.5 tops. I love that kid so much; parents know there are not words to adequately express how much you love your child. The paralyzing fear you feel at the thought that something has gone wrong. It just takes your breath away.

You are so happy to do without so they don't have to -- this is not martyrdom, this is natural. It's being a mother. Moms are not walking around in sweats and mom jeans because they have no self esteem or self respect; they are doing it, I think because they get their joy from their children's joy. Say what you want, mofos, but I think this is a rather beautiful thing, this selflessness.

And your children -- how they bring you such joy! Sometimes! But sometimes they act like assholes.

I think it's time to end the phenom of injured talk show hosts coming out to do their tv shows anyway. I'm looking at you, Ellen DeGeneres, even though I really like you.

I first saw The Amazing Randi wheeled out on a gurney on some Skeptic Special -- he was all bed bound incapacitated, wearing a hospital gown and hooked up to an IV. Frankly it kinda put me off skeptics.

Then, I saw Ellen do it with her back injury. If you are injured, please stay home. I do not need to see your hobbling, pain killer stoked ass on my tv. I have enough problems!

Then I saw Regis Philbin do it today. He came hobbling out on a walker, dressed in a bathrobe. I just about had a conniption fit, and then he tossed off the bathrobe and showed us he had recovered from his senior citizen related surgery. Sweet, Regis -- you got me!

But when Regis Philbin handles injuries the best, and he's 70 something, who's really winning here?