Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Does anyone read the really great McSweeney's Internet Tendency? If you don't, you should. It's really funny.

Anyhoo, they do these Lists over there, and I was just reading them and I made my own:

Canadian Superheroes Who Are Well Known in Canada but Not in the US Because, Typical!, You Don't Even Bother to get to Know Anything About Canada, Unless It's Bad News, Then You're All "Woo hoo double murder in Canada today"/Nicknamess for Former Boyfriends of Mine.

Fake Polite Man -- pretends to like your parents then talks about how "weird yet boring" (like that's even possible), your entire family is behind your back.

Canadian Ivy Leaguer -- apparently there's a Canadian uni that's part of the Ivy League. I forget the name now. Stuns you into bored silence by constantly reminding you he attended an "IVY LEAGUE" school.

Heartbreaker Man -- The dude who can emotionally cripple people for like three months at a time because he just breaks up with you for no reason, but politely.

Hockey Man -- the guy who rescues other dudes from bad situations like, for example, the time when you were really having a heart to heart with your then boyfriend and almost had him to the point of talking about taking your relationship to the next level, by phoning up and telling them to put on the CBC right now to catch the most awesome goal on the replay.

Hypno Crazy Coloured Money Man -- This dude will hypnotize you with all his flashy, "crazily" coloured (big goddam eyeroll from Canada - like green is so sensible. It's not, you're just used to it) bills, and make you think he's going to spend it on you, but turns out he's super cheap, so that's kind of his power.

Superman -- I said yeah, motherfucker. Superman is Canadian.

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